Broken
by Villanelle
Summary: Jesse stares at a face he finally recognizes. Very dark.


Title: Broken  
Author: Nights  
Paring: None   
E-mail address for feedback: ochretones@yahoo.com

Disclaimers: Mutant X is the property of Tribune Entertainment, and maybe even Marvel Entertainment. The characters and universe of Mutant X are being used by this author for entertainment purposes only, without any possibility of making money. I do own Laura, though. ^_^

Notes: The more I watched Jesse's character in Mutant X the more I likened the lyrics of A Perfect Circle's song "Orestes" to his personality. After reading about a dozen episode summaries for "Blood Ties", I've realized that the song practically embodies the turbulent emotions he was feeling during the whole episode. From confusion, to longing for his father's unconditional love, the sickening feeling of betrayal, and finally, to the desperate need to sever all ties. I wrote this fic with this song replaying the whole time, hence the need to turn it into a songfic. 

To those who don't know, Orestes is a character from Greek mythology who killed his mother. 

Summary: Jesse stares at a face he finally recognizes. Very dark.   


He doesn't understand what is it with the water that seems to comfort everyone. Despite of this knowledge Shalimar had steered him towards it after he returned to the Sanctuary, after her had told his father to leave him alone and never talk to him again. He wondered now why he should sit in front of it, it didn't have the answers to his questions, the comforting arms to nurse him from his pain.

_Metaphor for a missing moment  
Pull me into your perfect circle_

"Look at it," she told him quietly. "Look at yourself in it and you'll see that we all care for you, and why we do."

So he looked. He could feel Brennan watching him from far away, wanting to talk to him, to tell him of his own discomfort and unhappy childhood, let him know that he wasn't alone in his pain. Yet he kept his distance, seemingly letting the water do his job for him.

_One womb One chain One resolve  
Liberate this will to release us all_

He hated them for doing that. He never liked looking at the water, never understood its sense of being. He had asked Emma why she had to spend nearly three hours the night before, just dwelling in its silence despite Adam's recommendation that they all rest. She had given him a small smile, the brown in her eyes letting out a small glint, a sign of amusement at his question, an amusement he didn't fully understand, before she answered.

"It's the serenity it radiates," she said softly. "When I look a it everything seems all right with the world."

Serenity? Now that really puzzled him. He asked her why.

This time, her amusement translated itself into a slight giggle, and she shook her head and ended their talk by looking at the water again. It seemed to him that the water had invisible arms embracing the person who subjected itself to its stillness, because everyone grew silent and unwilling to talk at its presence.

Perhaps it was in that stillness. But he didn't understand what was so comforting about something that can't even answer back at you, can't even spare you the simplest nuances of conversation.

He wondered deeply why anyone could even find a feeling of inner peace over something that has no properties of its own, something that preferred to mimic what you are and throw it back at you, rather than give you a piece of its self.

_Gotta cut away, clear away snip away and sever this umbilical residue  
Keeping me from killing you_

It puzzled him more than anything, and it was in his nature to find the answers and hate it when he couldn't. He looked at it closely, slightly peeved at its inability of movement on its own. He hated seeing himself on its surface-how it emulated everything with the precision of the finest of pencils, the detailed features, the face he had recently started to hate with a vengeance.

_And from pulling you down with me  
In here I can almost hear you scream_

The face, the body, the person his father could not love.

He felt something slice through his body, a feeling he knew all too well, coursing through his veins and mind with so much familiarity that it made him smile. A smile, the water showed, that was full of bitterness. He didn't know if he should marvel at its ability to reveal the awful truth to his face, or should he hate it for its inane ability to do so, to attack your heart and pull out exactly what it felt and lay it down in front of you to see. It bothered him more than anything that no matter how hard he tried to hide, there it was, facing him, telling him that yes, he hurt, and yes, he will continue loving his father no matter how much it did.

And still he didn't understand why.

_One more medicated peaceful moment (give me)  
One more medicated peaceful moment_

He stepped closer to the edge, attempting to find out the only way he knew how, by looking at everything closely, never being satisfied with what he found, and eventually, prying it apart.

He first tried gliding his finger on its surface, shivering slightly at the shock of coldness that dwelled on the tip of his pointer finger, his eyes widening in wonder at the thin line suddenly slicing on the side of his face on the water. His hand followed, and soon, he found himself pushing harder at its surface, loving at how jagged his face had now become, the way the water seemingly shriveled to his touch.

_And I don't wanna feel this overwhelming hostility  
No, I don't wanna feel this world around me hostility_

He pushed harder, harder, the smile on his face turning into a wide, evil grin a he did so. Push, shove, destroy, he wanted the water to feel his pain so badly. He kept on pushing until his whole arm was submerged into the water, and pushing until he finally grew bored of the exertion. He pulled away, watching in satisfaction at how the water now shook, as if it was in pain. He loved how it looked now, how all that was left of his reflection was a myriad of rough edges, blurred colors, an indescribable expression.

_Gotta cut away clear away  
Snip away inside of this umbilical residue  
Gotta cut away clear away  
Snip away inside of this umbilical residue_

Jagged on the edges. Broken.

He smiled at his broken reflection, reveling on its imperfection.

_Keeping me from killing you_

The water finally got his picture right.  


*End*  



End file.
